


Table for Two?

by When Cerberus Arose (HowFar_ToFall)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-07
Updated: 2013-06-18
Packaged: 2017-12-07 19:13:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/752029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HowFar_ToFall/pseuds/When%20Cerberus%20Arose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat takes advice from Tavros, who has flushed feelings for Vriska, who has been tied up by Terezi, who has "hired" Nepeta as a waitress. What is happening on Alternia?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Flushed

Karkat sighs heavily as he sits on the floor in his block. He has...these red feelings for a girl and he's not sure if he likes them or not. His computer goes off.

 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

GC: H3Y! >:]

CG: HEY TEREZI. I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF FIGURING OUT MY FUCKING FEELINGS. SO I NEED TO BE ALONE. 

GC: R3D F33L1NGS?????

GC: DO T3LL

CG: I'M NOT IN THE MOOD TO GO SPOUTING MY RED FEELINGS TO A BLUE-BLOODED BLIND GIRL WHO LICKS HER COMPUTER SCREEN. 

GC: K4RK4T THAT HURT

GC: R1GHT H3R3 <3

CG: I KNOW. I'M A HEARTLESS MONSTER. 

GC: 1 D1DNT S4Y TH4T >:[

GC: DONT F33L B4D 4BOUT YOURS3LF B3C4US3 OF SOM3 G1RL WHOS TOO DUMB TO L1K3 YOU 1N 4 R3D S3NS3

GC: B3C4US3 1 KNOW WHAT 1 S41D W4SNT B4D 3NOUGH TO TURN YOU 1NTO 4 GUY WHO H4T3S H1MS3LF

GC: SO DONT L3T TH3 G1RL G3T YOU DOWN

CG: THAT'S THE PROBLEM. I HAVE REALLY REALLY RED FEELINGS FOR HER. 

GC: OH THOS3 K1ND OF F33L1NGS

GC: L1K3 BORD3RL1N3 OBS3SS1ON

CG: NO. FUCK YOU. 

GC: >:[

GC: K4RK4T I C4N ONLY H3LP YOU IF YOU L3T M3

CG: FINE. WHATEVER. 

GC: NO 4POLOGY???? >:P

CG: FUCK NO. 

GC: HMMMMM

GC: K4RK4T I H4V3 D3C1D3D TO TUTOR YOU 1N TH3 W4YS OF POL1T3N3SS TH4T 4TTR4CT G1RLS!!!! >:D

CG: OH HOLY FUCK. THIS SHOULD BE INTERESTING. 

GC: F1RST L3SSON 

GC: NO CUSS1NG 3SP3C14LLY 4T G1RLS!!!!

CG: WHAT. WHY. YOU CUSS. 

GC: 1TS 1MPOL1T3

GC: 1 4M 4 G1RL DUMB4SS >:P

GC: S3COND L3SSON

GC: 4POLOG1Z3

CG: NO. 

GC: DOOOOO 111111T

CG: NO. TEREZI CUT IT OUT. 

GC: DOOOOOOOOOO 11111111111T

CG: FINE. SORRY I SAID FUCK YOU. 

GC: S33 

GC: W4S TH4T SO B4D

CG: YES. 

GC: SUCKS FOR YOU! >X]

CG: UGH. TEREZI WHAT'S THE THIRD LESSON. 

GC: WH3N A G1RL 1NV1T3S YOU OV3R SO SH3 C4N T34CH YOU MOR3 M4NN3RS

GC: DONT K33P H3R W41T1NG

CG: SO YOU WANT ME TO GO TO YOUR TREE. 

GC: Y34H!!!!

GC: 1TLL B3 FUN

GC: NOT TH4T YOU WOULD KNOW WH4T FUN 1S

GC: 3V3N 1F 1T H1T YOU 1N TH3 F4CE >XD

CG: WHATEVER. I'LL BE OVER AS SOON AS I CAN. 

GC: LOOK1NG FORW4RD TO 1T! <3

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

 

Karkat groans. Why did he agree to go to Terezi's tree?

Oh yeah. 

Red feelings. 

Someone else is trolling him. 

 

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

AG: Karkat. 

AG: Karkat. 

AG: Kaaaaaaaarkaaaaaaaat........

CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT VRISKA. 

AG: Just to s8y........

AG: How's your girlfriend? XXXXD

CG: SHE ISN'T MY GIRLFRIEND. GO SCREW YOURSELF. 

AG: Aww don't 8e like that! 

AG: She told me she was inviting you over tod8y. 

AG: So...are you going?

AG: Or did I just give aw8y a spoiler? ::::P

CG: I'M GOING. 

CG: WHAT'S IT TO YOU. 

AG: Look Karkat. 

AG: I KNOW you have red feelings for her. 

AG: Don't m8ke me pick apart your mind. 

AG: You know I will. 

CG: FINE. I HAVE FLUSHED FEELINGS FOR TEREZI. SO WHAT. 

CG: WAIT. WHY WOULD SHE TELL YOU THAT SHE WAS INVITING ME OVER. 

AG: 8ecause I m8de her. 

CG: OF COURSE. 

AG: H8y, I'm just trying to help you out here!

CG: WHAT'S IN IT FOR YOU. 

AG: That's not important. 

CG: VRISKA WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW. 

CG: OTHER THAN TROLLING ME.

AG: Ok8y you got me. 

AG: I'm hiding out in Terezi's tree. 

CG: WHAT. WHY. 

AG: Wow, she's really gotten to you! You aren't cussing! She has you whiiiiiiiipped!

CG: ANSWER THE QUESTION. 

AG: Ugh whatever. 

AG: I have flushed feelings for........

CG: YES. PLEASE CONTINUE VRISKA. 

CG: THIS IS FASCINATING. 

CG: THE ANSWER TO THE ONGOING QUESTION ABOUT IF VRISKA SERKET CAN FEEL IS YES. 

CG: EVEN THOUGH NOBODY CARES. 

AG: Ugh. You're awful! 

CG: FEELINGS FOR WHO. 

AG: It's not important. I should go. 

CG: NO. YOU HAVE TO TELL ME NOW. 

AG: Anyhow, I have flushed feelings for a guy, and I want to see how you and Terezi do your thing. 

AG: Whatever that is. 

AG: You two are weird. 

CG: SAYS THE SPIDER GIRL WITH THE ROBOT ARM WHO FEEDS INNOCENT TROLLS TO HER LUSUS. 

AG: Oh fuck, Terezi caught me! Gotta run!

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

 

Karkat just groans. 

That's just great. Vriska knows now. That's fucking fantastic. 

Someone else is trolling him. 

 

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

AT: hEY kARKAT,

CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT. 

AT: uMM,

CG: I'M UP TO MY HORNS IN ROMANCE SO IF IT'S ABOUT ROMANCE GO SCREW OFF. 

AT: yOU DIDN'T CURSE AT ME,

AT: wHY,

CG: HOW SHOULD I KNOW. 

AT: tEREZI TOLD YOU NOT TO, dIDN'T SHE,

AT: iT'S OKAY,

AT: i'M NOT GOING TO TELL HER,

CG: FUCK WHY DOES EVERYONE KNOW. 

AT: uHH IT'S KIND OF OBVIOUS,

AT: tHAT YOU'RE FLUSHED FOR HER,

CG: FUCK. 

CG: FIRST VRISKA. 

CG: NOW YOU. 

CG: IF ONE MORE PERSON TELLS ME ABOUT MY FEELINGS I'M GOING TO FLIP MY SHIT RIGHT OFF OF THIS PLANET. 

AT: uHH, wHAT ABOUT tEREZI,

CG: FINE. SHE CAN. BUT THAT'S IT. 

CG: YOU KNOW WHAT. TELL ME YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM. I'LL HELP YOU. 

CG: THEN I'LL GO TO TEREZI'S TREE AND TRY NOT TO HUMILIATE MYSELF TOO HORRIBLY. 

AT: kARKAT, yOU CAN'T HUMILIATE YOURSELF IN FRONT OF tEREZI,

AT: sHE'S BLIND,

CG: I KNOW THAT DUMBASS. 

CG: BUT SHE'LL STILL LAUGH AT ME. 

AT: yOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO,

CG: WHAT. 

AT: tRY WRITING HER A POEM,

AT: nOT SLAM POETRY,

AT: jUST POETRY,

AT: sHE MIGHT LIKE THAT,

CG: ME. WRITE POETRY. NICE TRY. 

AT: i'M SERIOUS,

CG: LIKE FUCK YOU ARE. 

CG: NOW WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM. 

AT: uMM i'VE GOT FLUSHED FEELINGS, tOO,

CG: OH SHIT. YOU. ME. VRISKA. WHO'S NEXT. 

AT: oH,

AT: uM,

AT: fORGET ABOUT ME SAYING ANYTHING AT ALL,

CG: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

CG: I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. 

CG: THIS IS FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE. 

CG: IT'S HILARIOUS. 

CG: YOU HAVE FLUSHED FEELINGS FOR VRISKA. 

CG: THE GIRL WHO CRIPPLED YOU AND HATES YOUR GUTS. 

AT: hOW DID YOU KNOW THAT,

CG: YOU PRACTICALLY TOLD ME DUMBASS. 

CG: I SAID VRISKA HAD FLUSHED FEELINGS AND YOU GAVE UP. 

CG: OH THIS IS GREAT. 

AT: dO YOU KNOW WHO HER FEELINGS ARE FOR,

CG: SHE WOULDN'T TELL ME. BUT I DOUBT THEY'RE FOR YOU. SHE HATES YOU REMEMBER. 

AT: yEAH,

AT: }:(

AT: i'M GOING TO GO TROLL kANAYA,

AT: aND ASK HER FOR ADVICE,

CG: YOU DO THAT.

AT: bYE,

adiosToreador [AT] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

 

Karkat groans and decides to delay setting out for Terezi's tree...just in case someone else contacts him. Not because he's nervous. He thinks about his conversation with Tavros. 

Poetry. 

He's tempted to laugh. 

Of course Tavros would suggest that, the wimp. 

But...then again... 

Karkat finds himself seriously considering the act of writing a poem for Terezi. Passing off his whim as stupid, he sets out for her tree.

Moments later, he returns and sets his jaw. It may be stupid, but if it helps him prod Terezi into the flushed quadrant, he'll do it.

After a few minutes, his computer beeps.

 

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

AT: kANAYA'S OFFLINE,

CG: SO.

AT: hAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT MY ADVICE,

CG: WHATEVER. 

AT: yOU'RE WRITING IT, aREN'T YOU,

CG: FUCK. 

AT: dON'T BE ASHAMED,

AT: i THINK tEREZI WILL LOVE IT,

CG: SHE'D BETTER. 

CG: OR I'M COMING AFTER YOU.

CG: BETTER YET, I'LL SEND VRISKA AFTER YOU.

AT: }:O

AT: vRISKA SCARES ME,

AT: eVEN THOUGH i'M FLUSHED FOR HER,

CG: FUCK HER. SHE SCARES EVERYONE.

CG: WAIT I FORGOT. YOU WOULD FUCK HER.

AT: sHUT UP,

AT: yOU'RE THE SAME WAY WITH tEREZI,

CG: TEREZI'S NOT A CREEPY SPIDER BITCH WHO LIKES TO CONTROL EVERYONE'S MINDS WITH HER FREAKISH POWERS.

AT: kANAYA'S ONLINE,

AT: i'M GOING TO GO TALK TO HER,

adiosToreador [AT] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

 

As Karkat begins to resume writing...

 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

GC: H3Y K4RK4T 

GC: 4R3 YOU COM1NG OV3R OR NO >:?

CG: YES. I'LL BE THERE AS SOON AS I'M DONE HERE. 

GC: OH OK4Y

GC: WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG

CG: SOMETHING.

GC: S3CR3T1VE!!!! >;]

CG: TEREZI PLEASE. THE SOONER YOU LEAVE ME ALONE THE SOONER I CAN GO OVER TO YOUR TREE.

GC: OH

GC: OK4Y

GC: BY3

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

 

Karkat finally manages to finish his incredibly moronic poem that he hasn't given up on for some reason and sets out for Terezi's tree, preparing to be scorned.


	2. On the Roof

Karkat enters Terezi's home to see her...  
She's apparently having a court session with some stuffed animals, which he remembers are called scalemates, as well as Vriska, who's thoroughly trussed up. The spider-girl glares at him like this is somehow his fault. 

Terezi looks up upon hearing his entrance and her ever-present grin widens. 

"Hey Karkat!"

"How the f—how'd you know it was me?" he cuts himself off. She laughs. 

"You forget! I can smell your blood, dummy! Even from here! It's very strong...and it's all mine," she grins even wider. Karkat stutters a bit. He hears Vriska chuckle. Terezi bonks her on the head with a scalemate. "No laughing from prisoners!" 

"Bite me," Vriska mutters. Terezi seems all too happy to oblige. "Fuck! Terezi!"

"Haha, and blue blood runs, spilling the first drops of many to come!"

Karkat is beginning to wonder why he's flushed for, of all trolls, Terezi. She's crazy!

"Come on, Karkat!" she's suddenly right in front of him, grabbing his hand with uncanny accuracy. "Let's go have dinner," she leads him to the uppermost roof of her tree, where a candlelit table for two is waiting. Dusk is just beginning to fall. Karkat sits down. Terezi smacks his wrist. 

"Ow! What?"

"Always help a girl sit down first," she replies with a grin. Mumbling watered-down curses under his breath, Karkat stands and pulls out her chair for her. When she sits, he grudgingly yet gently nudges her towards the table before sitting himself. She gasps. "Karkat!"

"What now?" he groans. 

"You didn't offer to pay!"

"Oh for fu—crying out loud, Terezi, we're sitting in your tree!" she sticks a finger in his face. 

"You always pay for the girl."

"Whatever."

"And you don't tell her 'whatever' when she gives you helpful advice."

"Fine! I'll pay. Now what?"

"Shh! This is a date, dummy, not a lesson!"

"What?" he's confused. She leans closer. 

"We're roleplaying!" she whispers. 

"Oh," he's admittedly a bit disappointed. 

"I'll get someone to be our waitress since Vriska's too mean," she sticks out her tongue before heading down into what he decides he'll just call her hive. Karkat sits alone and silent for a few minutes. 

"I should just go home," he finally tells himself.

"Noooo!" Terezi cries, appearing and attacking him in a hug. "Nepeta's on her way!" 

"How the f—how do you know where I am all the time?"

"Your candy red blood smells very strong!" she replies with one of her wild grins. Karkat feels his face flush. 

"Terezi, my blood color is our little secret, okay?"

"Sure thing!" she replies happily. Why is she always so happy?

"How far away is Nepeta?"

"Not far," Terezi replies mysteriously. 

"What are you going to do with Vriska?" 

"Hang her," she says promptly. Karkat chokes on air. He can't imagine Terezi hanging anyone...well, anyone who's not one of her scalemates. "Oh I'm kidding! I'm turning her over to the proper authorities!"

"So...who?"

"I'm basically turning her loose on the world," she admits. "But that's not the point! The point is...what were you doing when I messaged you the second time?"

"Oh. Um..." Karkat's thoughts flash to the poem in his pocket. "Nothing much."

"Right,"Terezi draws out the word, her arms still stubbornly around him as she presses her cheek into his. He subconsciously touches his pocket.

In a moment, Terezi has the poem in her hands. 

"What the—! Terezi!" Karkat shouts, making a grab for it and missing. 

"What? Not like I can see it!" she chuckles. Karkat's face burns. "And I'm not going to lick all your hard work!"

"Oh. Uh..."

"You forgot?" she sounds incredulous. "What is this that it's so important anyway?"

"Nothing," he growls, snatching it back. 

"Touchy!" she sits in her chair. "Can you at least tell me if it was writing or drawing?"

"I...writing," he grumbles. 

"Ooh! Karkat Vantas: storyteller extraordinaire!" 

"Shut up. It's not a story."

"Well then what...?" she grins. 

Then she grins wider. 

"What?" he doesn't like her knowing expression. 

"It's a poem! You wrote a poem!"

"No I didn't!"

"Aha! And so the nose of Terezi Pyrope works its magic yet again! I can smell your deceit!"

"Your nose can be wrong."

"But is it ever?"

"...No."

"So I'm right!"

"What? F—no!"

"You just admitted it!"

"Terezi..." he growls. 

"Fine. Spoilsport," she says sourly. There's a long silence during which Karkat sulks and Terezi grins at him...or at least in his general direction. 

"Your waitress has arrived!" Nepeta comes over to the table. Karkat bangs his head against it. 

"Oh don't be like that!" Terezi chides. "Sit up straight and keep roleplaying!" she looks at Nepeta. "Yes, could we have some menus please?" Nepeta giggles. 

"Right away!" she hurried back into the hive. 

"Sooner or later, Mr. Vantas, I will get to hear that poem," Terezi says with a devilish grin. Karkat wants to know how one girl's grin can be translated so many ways. 

"No, you won't."

"Preferably sooner," she continues. Karkat grits his teeth. He forgot how infuriating Terezi can be in person! "Yeah, probably sooner. Later...meh," she shrugs. Karkat closes his eyes. 

Terezi smacks his wrist. 

"Ow! What?"

"No sleeping!"

"I wasn't...! How did you...? Okay," he decides to just give in. Nepeta returns with two pieces of paper. There are crude drawings and scribbles. Karkat can barely read his. Nepeta starts rattling off foods to Terezi. He stares at his "menu" and blinks. 

What the fuck. 

The entire menu is a doodle of him and Terezi kissing, with "Karezi" and hearts written in various bright colors all around. Karkat's eyes widen and he glares at Nepeta. She waves cheerfully at him and finishes her list. 

"Why, how much food you have!" Terezi exclaims, kicking Karkat under the table. 

"Ow! Er, yes. Terezi, why don't you order for us?"

"Finally, he does something right!" Terezi exclaims. "We'll have the last one," she hands her "menu" back to Nepeta. Karkat returns his as well, glad to be rid of it. The kooky cat-girl heads back down into Terezi's hive. 

"What do you mean, I finally did something right?" Karkat growls. 

"You always let the girl get what she wants, no matter what the cost."

"Terezi, this is shit."

"Manners!" she gasps, still grinning for some unknown reason. 

"No! No, Terezi!" he jumps up and onto the table, which trembles. "Fuck this! I don't need to learn any of this shit! Vriska was right!"

"About what?" Terezi asks. Karkat almost replies that she has him whipped, but bites his tongue. 

"None of your fucking business!" he shouts. Nepeta appears at the edge of his vision, peeking at them. "I can't even believe I came over here!"

"But Karkat, aren't you happy to see me?" Terezi asks. 

"Ask Vriska. Ask Tavros. Ask Nepeta. They seem to think they know me better then I do," he snarls. Nepeta squeaks and vanishes. "And to think I spent all that time writing this! Here, lick it all you want!" he shoves the poem into Terezi's hands. She gives it back to him. "Fine, I'll read it to you!" he shouts. He's so angry, he barely even knows what he's doing anymore. 

"Shh, Karkat," she reaches up and pulls him off of the table. He stumbles into her and she balances them both. "You don't have to tell me anything. I'm guessing you wrote it about the girl."

"Yeah," he doesn't tell her that the girl is her. 

"Well, why are you still standing with me, you dumbass? Go kiss your girl!" she grins. 

"Okay," he replies. He takes the easy way out and balks, walking one step away...

Then two...

Then three...

Four...

He can't do it. 

He can't walk away. 

He turns around and goes back to Terezi. Before she can ask him what he's doing or figure anything out, he takes her in his arms and kisses her. She doesn't do much of anything, and he doesn't know why he expected any different. Still, he feels himself come alive. Sparks and fire tingle all throughout him just before he pulls away. The sensations subside. Terezi's jaw drops. 

"...Oh," she says in a small voice after a moment. 

"Yeah," he grumbles, turning to leave. He sees that Nepeta is back and has both hands covering her mouth, her eyes wide. 

"Karkat, wait," Terezi seizes his hand. He turns to find that she has a serious expression for once. "I didn't know you felt that way about me..."

"Well, I do," he says gruffly. 

"Me too," she replies, sliding her fingers to interlace with his before leaning in, pausing briefly to gain her bearings before she gently places a kiss on his lips. Karkat's eyes fly open wide before he slides his arms around Terezi's waist and holds her close, deepening the kiss. He hears someone clap. He assumes this to be Nepeta. 

"Ugh, finally!" apparently, Vriska's free. He can imagine her rolling her one good eye in exasperation at their romance, but smirking all the same. 

Karkat doesn't care. 

He's happy now. 

Terezi pulls away and takes his poem gently. 

"Do you mind?" she asks quietly. 

"No," he replies. She holds it up to her face and inhales deeply, occasionally running her tongue across a word. When she lowers the paper, she throws her arms around him. "Uh..."

"Karkat, that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me! You're awesome," she nuzzles into him and he smiles slightly. "Just because you were brave enough to let me read that, I think we should completely forego all traditional rules. Traditional rules are hereby abolished! Matesprits Karkat Vantas and Terezi Pyrope may do as they please!" Karkat's smile grows just a bit as he holds her closer. He's not grinning yet, but if he hangs around his new matesprit enough, he's sure he will. 

And that's alright with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not over yet! Although hm, if you're just reading it for the Karezi, this might be your stopping point. If you're a Tavriska fan, though, continue right on ahead! SPOILERS! Sorry. XP


	3. Trolling Spree

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I've been out...heheh, SORRY! This is probably riddled with errors, but eh, I don't care right now so yeah. Enjoy!

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]  
AT: hEY kARKAT,

AT: nEPETA SAYS YOU AND tEREZI DID OKAY,

AT: dID MY ADVICE HELP,

CG: SOME. 

AT: gREAT,

AT: nOW, mAYBE, yOU CAN HELP ME,

CG: OH FUCK IT'S A TRAP. 

AT: yOU KNOW,

AT: wITH vRISKA,

CG: SHIT. I DON'T WANT TO BE THE ONE RESPONSIBLE WHEN YOUR WOBBLY MATESPRITSHIP FALLS APART. 

AT: sO YOU THINK WE'RE COMPATIBLE,

CG: FUCK NO. I THINK YOU'RE ABOUT AS COMPATIBLE AS A ROCK AND A TREE. 

AT: }:(

CG: YOU KNOW I ALMOST FEEL SORRY FOR YOU. 

CG: ALMOST. 

AT: kARKAT,

AT: wHY DON'T i HAVE A CHANCE WITH vRISKA,

CG: WELL FOR ONE YOU'RE IN A WHEELCHAIR. 

CG: I MIGHT BE WRONG BUT I THINK VRISKA'S INTO MORE THAN JUST GENTLE HUGGING AND KISSING. 

AT: uHH,

CG: ALSO SHE HATES YOUR GUTS. 

CG: AND SHE PARALYZED YOU. 

CG: AND SHE ALREADY HAS FLUSHED FEELINGS FOR A GUY. 

CG: NEED I GO ON. 

AT: nO,

AT: yOU'VE MADE YOUR POINT,

AT: }:(

CG: YOU DONT N33D VR1SK4!!!

CG: YOU JUST N33D FR13NDS >;3

CG: THAT WAS TEREZI. SHE BRIEFLY STOLE MY COMPUTER. 

AT: uHH,

AT: oKAY,

AT: bUT i'M TRYING TO GET vRISKA OUT OF MY HEAD,

AT: aND i'M FAILING,

CG: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE. 

CG: K4444RK444444T

CG: H3LP H1M!!!!

CG: TEREZI PLEASE STOP TAKING CONTROL OF MY COMPUTER.

AT: pLEASE kARKAT,

AT: pLEASE HELP ME,

AT: pLEASE,

CG: PL34S3

CG: WELL AREN'T YOU TWO A PAIR. 

CG: FINE. 

CG: ONLY BECAUSE OF WHAT TEREZI JUST SAID.

CG: WHICH I'M NOT REPEATING TO ANYONE. 

CG: EVER.

AT: wORKS FOR ME,

AT: }:)

CG: Y444444Y

CG: FUCK. TEREZI CUT IT OUT. 

CG: >:[

CG: SORRY TEREZI. 

AT: kARKAT,

AT: dID YOU JUST APOLOGIZE,

CG: IT'S A NEW HABIT. 

AT: iT MAKES YOU A BETTER TROLL,

CG: WHATEVER. 

CG: SO FIRST I THINK YOU SHOULD GET SOMEONE TO MAKE YOU SOME LEGS AND GET OUT OF THAT FUCKING WHEELCHAIR. 

CG: THEN WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T WRITE A FUCKING POEM. 

CG: VRISKA WOULD HATE THAT SHIT. 

CG: I ACTUALLY HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE ABOUT HOW YOU SHOULD SEDUCE HER. 

CG: OR ASK HER OUT. 

CG: I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU PLAN TO DO WITH HER. 

AT: wELL,

CG: NOR DO I CARE. 

AT: oH,

AT: oKAY,

CG: WHY DON'T YOU GO TO KANAYA. SHE AND VRISKA ARE KIND OF CLOSE. SHE IS HER MOIRAIL.

CG: OR JUST BOTHER VRISKA AND COVERTLY INQUIRE ABOUT THE NATURE OF HER ROMANTIC INTERESTS. 

AT: oKAY,

AT: tHANKS, kARKAT,

adiosToreador [AT] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

 

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

AT: kANAYA, 

AT: aRE YOU ONLINE,

AT: i'VE GOT SOME, uH, qUESTIONS FOR YOU,

AT: aBOUT vRISKA,

AT: tHIS ISN'T WEIRD, iS IT,

AT: oKAY i'M GOING TO SAY YOU'RE NOT ONLINE,

AT: pLEASE DON'T TELL vRISKA ABOUT THIS,

AT: tHANKS,

adiosToreador [AT] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

 

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

AT: hEY vRISKA,

AG: Toreadork, you've got some real nerve 8ugging me. 

AG: What's given you this false sense of a feeling similar to confidence?

AG: 8ut not quite?

AT: kARKAT,

AG: Oh. That 8astard. What does he want?

AT: hE MENTIONED SOMETHING, iN PASSING, aND i'M INVESTIGATING OUT OF CURIOSITY,

AG: Oh fuck, I already h8 where this is going........

AT: hE SAID YOU HAD FLUSHED FEELINGS,

AG: Shit! Can't that num8skulled dum8ass keep his trap shut a8out one thing?

AT: sO IT WASN'T A LIE,

AG: Fuck. 

AG: No. 

AG: Why would you think it was?

AT: bECAUSE,

AT: yOU'VE NEVER REALLY SHOWN EMOTION,

AT: aT LEAST NOT THAT i'VE SEEN,

AG: Emotions are weakness. 

AG: Keeping them 8ottled up m8kes me stronger. 

AT: nO,

AT: iT DOESN'T,

AT: iT MAKES YOU LOOK MEAN,

AT: wELL, mEANER, 

AG: Why Tavros! Are you meaning to suggest that I'm not nice?

AG: Everything I've done has had a reason!

AT: nOBODY WANTS TO HEAR YOUR REASONS,

AT: bECAUSE YOU NEVER SHOW EMOTIONS,

AT: nOBODY WILL BELIEVE, tHAT YOU ARE BEING GENUINE, oNLY FAKE,

AG: Hahahahahahahaha! You think I c8re?

AT: yOU SHOULD,

AG: Hm, nope! Not c8ring!

AT: vRISKA, wHY ARE YOU SO MEAN,

AG: Uh, 8ecause I am?

AG: It's the person I happen to 8e, Toreadork. You can't expect me to ch8nge that. 

AT: i'M NOT EXPECTING YOU TO,

AG: Then why the fuck did I just say that!

AT: bECAUSE YOU FELT COMPELLED TO,

AG: Argh, I hate you. 

AG: You and your sentimental, wishy-washy, tear-filled emotions. 

AG: Emotions!

AG: You fucking sap!

AT: vRISKA, yOU'RE STARTING TO BOTHER ME,

AG: Good! I'll 8other you all I fucking want!

AT: yOU SOUND LIKE kARKAT,

AG: Fine. 

AG: ...

AG: 8etter? 

AT: wHAT DID YOU DO,

AG: 8etter question: what did Karkat just do?

AT: vRISKA,

AT: hE AND tEREZI ARE HAPPY TOGETHER,

AT: pLEASE LEAVE THEM ALONE,

AG: Ha! You and your stupid "please" all the time! As if!

AG: You can't m8ke me do anything!

AT: vRISKA, iF I TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT MYSELF, wILL YOU LEAVE THEM ALONE,

AG: Pfffffffft, why would I c8re a8out your dum8 old secrets?

AT: bECAUSE YOU CAN HOLD IT OVER MY HEAD,

AT: yOU WON'T REJECT THE BARGAIN,

AT: bECAUSE IT'S A LOT BETTER TO HEAR IT IN PERSON, tHAN FORCED FROM SOMEONE'S MIND,

AG: Whatever. 

AT: aNYHOW, i'M HOPING WE CAN MEET, iN PERSON,

AG: Yawn. 

AT: vRISKA, wOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO SEE YOUR HANDIWORK,

AG: Huh?

AT: mY PARALYSIS,

AG: Oh, that. 

AG: Pfffffffft, 8oring!

AG: 8esides, I have a very important dinner guest tonight.

AT: yOUR FLUSHED CRUSH,

AG: Fuck no! 

AG: For your information, you pathetically low-8looded 8uffoon, my "flushed crush" is completely irrelevant to my life. 

AG: He is, in fact, a total w8ste of my mind and time. 

AT: sO, wHY IS HE YOUR CRUSH,

AG: It's complicated, idiot!

AG: Nothing you need to know!

AT: wHO'S YOUR DINNER GUEST THEN,

AG: My lusus' next meal. 

AG: ::::)

AG: I figured I should get some fun out of this one, so I invited him to dinner! Then I'll lead him down, feed him to her, and watch her devour him while he screams. 

AG: ::::D

AT: D:{

AT: vRISKA, tHAT IS AN AWFUL IDEA,

AG: So?

AT: pLEASE KILL HIM FIRST,

AG: And deny my dear, sweet, loving guardian the enjoyment she deserves for r8sing me? Yeah right. 

AT: vRISKA PLEASE,

AT: rECONSIDER,

AG: I don't take orders from you! Go fuck yourself!

AT: }:(

AG: Oh I'm sorry, was that too harsh? Go fuck your lusus like you mean it. 

AG: I'll be watching! :::;D

AT: vRISKA, tHERE ARE SEVERAL THINGS WRONG WITH THOSE STATEMENTS,

AT: yOU CANNOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO,

AT: eVEN IF YOU COULD TELL ME WHAT TO DO, 

AT: oR IF YOU MADE ME,

AT: rAPING MY LUSUS IS IMPOSSIBLE,

AT: mY LUSUS IS EXTREMELY SMALL,

AG: Why Tavros! Are you implying that........? :::;)

AT: vRISKA, i'M ALSO UNABLE TO STAND,

AG: You never answered my question!

AT: wHY DO YOU EVEN CARE,

AG: Fuck off. 

AT: aLSO, i WOULDN'T MEAN IT,

AT: aND YOU CAN'T SEE ME,

AG: You are so infuriating!!!!!!!!

AT: i'M NOT TRYING, 

AT: }:(

AG: That makes it 8 times worse!

AT: sORRY,

AG: You know what, fine. Fine, I'll cancel my dinner d8 for my lusus and meet you at whatever stupid pl8ce you plan to go.

AT: mY HIVE IS ALWAYS FREE,

AG: Ok8y, let's pretend I give a shit and go. Then what hypothetically happens?

AT: wE TALK,

AG: A8out what?

AG: Hypothetically. 

AT: aNYTHING, 

AG: This hypothetical activity sounds almost........

AT: wHAT,

AG: Forget it. 

AT: }:(

AG: Well, you know I'm a very 8usy girl! I've got tons of stuff to do. 

AT: wE BOTH KNOW THAT'S CRAP,

AG: Tavros, are you incapable of swearing?

AT: mY CONVERSATIONAL PREFERENCES LIE ELSEWHERE, bUT i'LL DO IT IF I FEEL COMPELLED,

AG: You're pathetic. L8me. Pitiful. Infinite other words. Insults, to 8e precise. 

AT: i'M VERY LAME, vRISKA, iN THE LEGS,

AG: That's not what I meant and you know it!

AG: I h8 you. 

AT: tHAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE,

AG: How so?

AT: yOU'RE THE ONE WHO PARALYZED ME,

AG: So?

AT: oKAY,

AG: W8, what?

AT: nOTHING,

AG: ........

AG: Don't you go and 8e like Aradia!

AG: All "ok8y" with everything...

AG: I h8 it!!!!!!!!

AT: oKAY, i'M NOT GOING TO BE,

AG: Why are you so spineless? I mean, really! 

AT: i'D JUST PREFER TO AVOID A FIGHT,

AG: WEAK!

AG: That's a 8unch of 8ullshit and you know it. 

AG: Just hurry up and s8y whatever idiotic question you're trying to get around to already!

AT: uM, i'VE JUST BEEN SAYING, hOW I WANT US TO MEET UP, tHAT'S IT,

AG: Really? Ok8y, whatever. We're done here. 

AT: wAIT, vRISKA,

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]

AT: <3


	4. The Picnic

Tavros unsteadily takes a few steps. He has just awoken from a pain-induced sleep. Nepeta is hovering beside him.

"How are you feeling?" she asks. 

"Amazing!" Tavros exclaims. "Thanks for having Equius, uh, give me these new legs!"

"It's no problem at all! I'll be going now; Vriska said she'd be here soon."

"Vriska!" Tavros shouts, slamming a hand to his face. "I forgot about her!"

"Tavros!" Nepeta scolds. "That's a horrible way to begin a matespritship!" as she scurries away to hide, the door slams open. Vriska storms in and holds her hands out, a scornful expression on her face.

"Well? I'm here."

"Uh, yeah..."

"What now?"

"Um..." Tavros feels any confidence he had spiraling away. Vriska raises an eyebrow and smirks.

"Oh this is too good! You invite me over, then don't have anything planned? Pft, that's pathetic."

"Well...uh..."

"Actually," Nepeta pops up, "he did! You just intimidated it out of him, isn't that right, Tavros?"

"Uh, yeah!"

"He was going to take you out to dinner!" Nepeta says. Tavros stutters and Vriska looks at him blankly.

"Oh yeah?"

"Uh...yeah," he can't think of anything better.

"It's a picnic under the stars," Nepeta says. Tavros closes his eyes and desperately wishes she would stop being so romantic. He just hopes Vriska doesn't catch on.

"Alright then. Lead on, Toreadork," he looks at Vriska and...is that the faintest of fading blushes he sees on her face?

"Actually, I picked the place," Nepeta saves him yet again. "He couldn't decide so I chose for him," they leave the hive and walk a short distance to find an open area of grass. A picnic basket is sitting on a blanket. "Table for two, right? I'll leave you two to it then!" they look at each other and sit side-by-side on the blanket.

"I already ate," Vriska says as Tavros is about to offer her food.

"Uh, so did I..." he looks away.

"Yeah, I knew you didn't plan this," she smirks. "Now I think there was something about a secret said earlier...?"

"Can't we just, uh, talk first?" Tavros pleads. Vriska rolls her eyes. 

"Whatever."

So, uh, did your dinner guest show up?"

"...I cancelled."

"Why?"

"Ugh, that doesn't matter! You have robolegs. Why?"

"Um...that's private."

"See? We're not getting anywhere with this. Just tell me your stupid secret already."

"Well...um...I have a flushed crush, too," he says.

"...Yeah?" she asks softly, which surprises him. She clears her throat. "Guess that's why you got those legs then."

"Uh, yeah, you could, uh, say that."

"You know, Tavros..." she begins slowly. "I know my flushed crush would never return my affections. He's too much of an idiot and I fucked up enormously with him," she blushes a little. "I guess what I'm trying to say is...what are you doing?"

"I'm doing exactly what I want to do," he replies, putting all his effort into making his words flow clearly. "I'm may screw up, but I'll know I tried," he leans in closer. She stops breathing, just before he presses his lips to hers, not expecting any response other than perhaps a negative one.

Needless to say, he's shocked when he's met with a return of affections.

He pulls back and looks at her in shock. She opens her eyes and blinks at him.

"V-Vriska?" she blushes.

"Who would've guessed I'd fall for a pathetic lowblood like you, I know," she smirks. "Now get back over here and let's try that again, hm?" so he does, and he's met with a raw passion he's never even dreamed of. He lets Vriska pin him, doesn't try to fight her. He knows she's going to be the dominant one in their...matespritship? He certainly hopes that's where they're going.

And it sure seems like it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for shortness! DX


End file.
